Untuk sekarang, untuk apa yg aku achieve for whatever achievement lah dalam pmr (dll) kan, i should be saying i learnt many things somehow. Redha, lapangkan dada, takmo merajuk dgn Allah, muhasabah diri. It's all about things that makes me nearer to My Master, Allah S.W.T. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Well, we're not living for being successful all the time without efforts, without doa. And IF there's comes a time where you're struggling nak mati mati and doa siang malam sepertiga malam mohon sesungguh for what you want to but still, you don't get your target or good marks (or I should saying, failed) I do feel you. I feel you, really. It's killing you inside right? You felt like you disappointed everyone and the most important one is your parents. But you know something? "Beruntunglah bagi sesiapa yang pernah berada di bawah kerana mereka tahu erti kesabaran dan meredai qada' dan qadarnya" 

You know sometimes it's not about gagal. It's about Allah want to test you. He test you greatly, He loves you dearly. Maybe you're being far away from Him before this so that He tested you for you remember Him back. Or maybe this is not your time, rezeki awak mungkin kat tempat lain. Mungkin Allah simpan A awak tu untuk SPM. Mungkin Allah nak awak awake skrg so that you not default on the future. Mungkin Allah tak bagi sekarang but yakin, He planned the best out of the best for your future. Yakin, tetapkan hati. Pada masa ni memang kesetiaan awak dan kecintaan awak terhadapNya sedang diuji. Sama ada awak nak berlari kembali kepadaNya or u choose to menjauh hati it's your choice. But obviously, if you're choose to menjauh hati surely you won't get the calmness. Why? "Hanya dengan mengingati Allah hati akan tenang" There's no need to go by the beach, go clubbing or what so ever to find the calmness, it's not that hard. It's enough for having Allah always by your side. 

Based on my experiences (yg the latest pmr) (cewah) mmg at first I felt very very very from the deepest saddest of sadness, crying all the time like everything is falling apart. I can't think straight on what I felt. Offline all the media social network, and i didn't replied any message, any whatsapp and i didn't pick up any call. I locked up room and keluar pun untuk makan je. Seriously, I want to be alone but at the same time I want someone to comfort beside me. Tapi I only have mum masatu and mula mula okay la lepas mama dah comfort tapi lepastu, menjadi jadi balik la kesedihan ni. I swear it's hard to get over it. Ok first, you have to face your parents disappointment (you know they might not show up their disappointment but me, as their only daughter i can feel it) Second, you have to face that all unhealty comparison mcm "tengok anak bla bla dapat straight As" (it's healthy somehow tapi you must know the way how to deal with mangsa failure and comparison) while me with whatever face lol. Third, you have to think either you want science stream or account, ok for me i didn't deserve both ahaks and ya, i hate both (but i must/have/wajibun loves one of them ikr) blergh

Hm at first on the negative sight mcm tu la, negativity surrounds you so mcm you can't think straight. All you want to do is cry cry and cryyyyyyyyyyyyy a river lol. I wasn't the brightest kid in school but Alhamdulillah, I grew up ok hahaha. Alhamdulillah, rezeki Allah S.W.T, tu satu. Another one is because I wanted to ringankan beban maayah. So that in my mind, i memang push myself. Some people are blessed with good brain, genius, cepat catch up, tanya soalan sikit belum habis soalan tu pun dah boleh jawab. And sometimes lek lek je belajar tapi boleh score. I'm not like this. I have to pulun all the subjs and sometimes stressed up jugak la but I won't give up. Usaha is my key to achieve success. So if you're one like me, yang tak begitu hebat tapi inginkan kehebatan, no shortcut to it. Study smart, give your best, doa and tawakal. Atas izin Allah, you can achieve anything. No matter what happens, be grateful ok. Kekadang failures made us better if we learn from the mistakes. Have faith in Allah, be confident of yourself. Trust that for all your efforts that you've given, you will be rewarded InshaaAllah. Kalau tak in As, maybe in some other forms :-)

Ok ni part terharuu sikit *lap hingus* Throughout my sadness and sorrow, throughout my days with tonne of tears, throughout my days yang tersasar kunun-kununnya nak berjauh hati dengan Allah, there's always friends who keep on helping me get up back, gives such a good gooood gooooooood advices, calling me and keep on updating about myself ni okay ke tak. ada yang call tu aku tengah menangis gila gila sampai dia pun terdiam/panik ahaks, minta maaf ye. Masatu condition roller coaster emo ni so baddas. Minta maaf sangat sangat, yang keep on bebel all the time reminds me about the hikmah, belajar untuk redha. Yela, sebab sayang la kena bebel kan heeeee. Thank you sweetie. I have to say I have the best friends in the world ever, 12 Angels, Alya, Zatisa, Hanisah, Aiman, Ayie, Syak, Hazim and semuaaaaaa yang keep on advicing and praying for me. Thank youu. I couldn't ask for more. Thanks for bearing with me as I go on with my daydreams, being apart of my decision makings and being my motivation when I procrastinate. Thanks for the supports and comments aka advices that I believe are a part of what makes me who I am today.  Thank you! Terima kasih ye ampa ampa semua, cheq taktau nak ucap maceh guane tapi sedih terharu huaaa mekaseh :') :') :') :') :') :') *banjir*

And on the first place among all, thank you and all praises to Allah because still giving me chance living, loving and breathing. I know this is all makes me stronger than before. I wanted strength so He gave me trials. I wanted patience so He gave me tribulation and I got nothing I wanted but Allah gave everything I needed. Well, there are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, trust me. But you have to be willing to open your hearts and mind to see them. Be expectant of the good in your life. After all, Allah is a good planner. Sama ada your past or your future, He planned the best. Believe. Rezeki tak bergantung pada A B C D E yang awk dapat. Kalau Allah nak bagi, Dia bagi. Allah tu sebaik baik pemberi rezeki. Keep on praying, keep on making du'a. Pandang depan, future berganda important than your past. Miracles happens. Allah knows best. Allah knows best. On the first place, He is the one.

Terpanjang lak post heee, yela im typing this using pure feelings tau. I experienced by myself. So, heeee. Whatever it is, ambik iktibar. InshaaAllah. Doakan saya & rakan rakan seperjuangan saya berjaya dunia wal akhirah. Aamin ya rabb.

Salam alayk~