Harini cuti seminggu and of course I did something haha. Dah tak mcm cuti lepas2 la nak lepak lepak, memekak cover lagu, learn dancing, tweet tetiap hari, whatsapp doplohpatjam takda maknanya. It's all gone for a temporary, I mean ya ofcourse it's hard. I can't deny la takkan la u rasa happy leaving all your hobby by so sudden kan sedangkan bila u buat, u rasa happy and learn to appreciate yourself. And kekadang benda tu relieving your stress. But to be honest, I swear memang mula2 susah nak tinggalkan semua tu, nak stop main phone, dengar lagu, layan kpop, layan semua yg korang interested la senang cite, hangout ngn kengkawan, shopping, holiday kat hotel semua la kan benda normal people did during holiday. Memang susah, teribbly harder than I thought. Tapi bila aku fikir susah, it must be more difficult to handle bad ones masa dapat result. kan? Must be more even harder to see your parents forcing themselves to accept it. 

Normal la kalau minggu balik tak sah tak pegang phone, layan youtube, instagram and all the media social. Normal and dah jadi habit dah pun. Spending too much hours on phone and senang cite, wasting time la kan. Sometimes I fikir je yg cam wasted semua tu tapi yela, manusia kan. Susah nak adapt dgn keadaan yg baik, lg rela ada dalam keadaan yg dah terbiasa even bad ones. But it started slowly, ada satu minggu balik tu, before balik mmg saya dah berazam untuk taknak bukak phone, taknak dgr lagu and taknak charge pun. Mmg saya often berazam and challenge myself tapi I always failed and ended up lying on bed with phone. Tp kali ni mmg saya nekad and wallahi saya mmg nak buat betul2 masa mid year.Time tu before mid year test. Dah balik rumah tu, I takes my eyes off from phone and tak pegang lgsung.Terus siapkan diri, makan, and study sampai la midnight. Esoknya pun mcmtu tp sabtu malam tu saya bukak phone as if it was requested by my friends sbb susah nak contact. Kesian diorg terpaksa call and whtsapp using my mum's phone huhu. So saya on la tp jujur I'm not falling myself down with phone. Bukak whtsapp je and terus smbung study. And mcmtu jugak seterusnya, it happens every single week saya balik rumah. Mmg pd mulanya I'm forcing myself and nmpk mcm terseksa, tp lama2 u will adapt dgn environment mcmtu. Serious. Takpayah pushing yourself dah and it might seems hard, but insyaAllah if u ikhlas and nekad, Allah will show the right way. Tuhan mesti tolong if its for your own goodness. 

I just want to share something yg mmg cliche la i guess tapi, jujurnya apa yg membuatkan saya kuat untuk sacrifice semua ni is because of my parents and of course, my future. But my first option is my parents. Kalau orang tanya mcm mana saya mampu buat, my answer would never be other than that, it will always be my parents. Memang selama ni I can't deny I got first place drpd form 4 sampai la form 5 haritu.Takpernah miss for the first place. Walaupun saya rasa mcm saya study apa je kan, banyak lepak and buang masa je. Study pun last minute.Terkejar kejar apa semua and kekadang redha je kalau dah tak boleh tu, tak usaha lgsung.And when I realized it back, syukur Tuhan masih slmtkan saya drpd kehanyutan dunia ni. Bayangkan la if u spent too much time on gadget and tak da masa free time spent for study, tup tup no 1. You sendiri pun akan rasa pelik and wondering whats that kan. So I started to understand. And saya yakin and I'm pretty sure, it was His Mercy. Rahmat Tuhan bagi to save us from falling hard. Allah tested me dgn kesenangan tp I was too blind to see that was actually difficulties. Leka sampai lupa yg lebih utama. Jadi I'm making my best for the mid year haritu. 

I'm sacrificing myself from wasting my time. Leave it all behind yg tak important mcm phone, lagu, youtube, instagram semua tu. Mmg nmpk and my appearance is still exists but I'm trying to make it lesser. Skrg pun dah jarang dgr lagu semata yg guna earphone tu kalau dgr lagu kat radio tu selalu la takkan nak tutup dlm kereta kan kang sunyi pulak, patu tkkn nak tutup tv bila tetiba iklan lagu semata mata sebab lagu kan. Haha! It was joke. Just try to minimize it, ok? :) It might seems hard at first tp lama2 InsyaAllah, even your hearts calms with good ways you tend to choose. And alhamulillah, slps my first try ni, I was successfully achieved 7As for midyear, even it still seems imperfect for acertain reason, but alhamdulillah ni semua rezeki drpd Tuhan. Kali ni, mmg saya nmpk usaha saya di mana, on which level and which subjects I have to push more. And not to forget, The One who helps me to be on top is, Allah. Tanpa Dia, minta la siang mlm kalau dah bukan rezeki, takkan dpt. Lepas dpt result mid year ni mmg nama naik. Both asrama and sekolah sbb I was the only one pelajar accounting yg score and dpt button batch utk pljr cemerlang. The rest ialah semua pelajar science stream yg pure science tu. And naik stage utk mapc semua, dpt subject the best in science and syariah. Mmg I can't deny betapa banyak award I got, naik stage, compared before this. Tipu la kalau tak rasa pelik and I swear rasa mcm zuhud and rendah gila being in that group (first group that has been targeted to get straight As) But I personally, make it as if it is for my parents, tp bila org dah nampak the struggle of achievement, I'm making my perspective widen which is I want to prove to people who always pndg rendah dgn 5 Farabi which is actually not as you guys thought about it. Kelas bawah, kelas last and tak leh dapat markah bagus, it's all wrong. It comes all back to yourself, if u want the success, you'll get it because of the passion you choose, it will makes you move. Reach as high as you can and then, reach a little higher. There you will find magic and possibility. Kalau awak yakin dgn Tuhan, and believe in yourself, InsyaAllah you akan lebih yakin with the right path you choose to be. 

And sometimes saya sendiri pelik apa yg membutkan saya deserve untuk dapat semua ni. Memang I'm leaving all the bad things yg dah jadi habit and studying hard drpd sebelum ni tapi jujurnya saya tetap rasa yg apa yg saya dpt ni tak setimpal dgn usaha saya. That's why when people praise and adoring me, I ashamed of myself. When people asked the way I'm studying and how to score certain subjects they can't, I was startled. Tapi tipu la kalau takda org yg mcm putting high hopes on you and perlekehkan you like so sudden. I was rarely being in this situation but once I;ve been in there, I swear rasa mcm down gila sampai ada haritu i got so stressed and things I want it to be, be in a wrong way. I was drowned by the sea of people yg hating my success I guess. Even I was just assuming this success ni is just my first path and it's a long way to go, it just a luck and rezeki which everyone will get it too, eventually. It just a matter of time. The way I deal with this kind of thing and people is, I just shut my mouth, simple. Saya cuma akan bersuara when things they thought is wrong so we'll make a small talk. Tp sikit je. The rest saya lebih tenang cerita dgn Tuhan, He knows well. It's sunnatullah, behind every happiness and success, there must be bad ones and trials too. All I know is, the dunya is not created to be perfect-- it's not all good or all bad. That was the naturality of the Hereafter. Dunya, it's mixed and by the mixing, you learn to choose the appropriate ways. Same as you choosing some choices in between, mesti you choose the good ones kan. So yes, I choose to be silent and leave the rest kpd Tuhan, it might be hard sbb people will not dare to stop talking about you, so you just have to be silent, it was not a sign of despair, but it shows you rational, beautiful and strong. Allahu ma'assobirin. InsyaAllah, lama2 people will understand :)

Drpd kejayaan sementara saya ni, I've realized banyak sgt benda and learn to study and be grateful from it. It was His gifts, yes the gift that He blessed me mgkin sebab lepas saya sedar and jujur I did all this wallahi for my parents and tajdid niat saya. Saya bukan nak kejayaan semata, kalau nak kejar success, semua org boleh buat, semua boleh dpt. Tp saya nak what I achieved ni seiring dgn akhlak saya front my God and my parents. I want my parents proud of me, be it in academic side or akhlak, sama juga bila saya dgn Tuhan. Apa yg membuatkan saya lagi yakin, and I believe that every single step I takes, is all well aware by Him, Tuhan yg jaga setiap langkah dan jadual harian saya. He shows me the way and chances to talk to Him between maghrib isyak. Because people are free between that time. Nak rushing apa in a single period of time tu sedangkan the whole day hari kita dah full dgn studying and working. Takkan spending time dgn Tuhan pun nak berkira? I was moved by article says, Allah gives your 24hrs as if it was enough for you. And why so you feel burden to do ibadah when the 24hrs is His Time. yes, fortunately we forgot that 24hrs tu sebenarnya milik Allah. How foolish are we to rush our prayers when Allah is The Owner of time. So there's no excuses to not sujuud and do ibadah for Him.

Another one is I want to share that must be good for you to make it as amal. Actually I was freshie and wasn't that good in making ibadah ni, not to be rude tapi kita manusia mmg secara hakikatnya sering lupa dan alpa dgn Tuhan. I was realizing this too which is kita selalu buat ibadah dekat asrama je, bila org suruh antara maghrib isyak tu tgk org buat solat sunat kita pun ikut and yes, it's amazingly is a good things though. But what's no good is kita tak try to make it lasted even dekat rumah. Tak payah pergi jauh, I'm just assuming myself in this situation la ok. Because I was one of that people, yg cuma rasa nak ibadah kat asrama je, rasa baik kat asrama and even kekadang kat sekolah je rasa berdosa kalau tak pakai handsock atau stokin. Takpa, ask yourself. If you guys were one of it, how about let's make it into something good? Which is kita istiqamah dalam apa jua kebaikan yg kita buat ni dalam kehidupan kita even di rumah and luar sekolah. Sebab Allah tak hanya menilai kat sekolah je tau, every single time never in a minute He leaves us, and of course He did seeing apa yg kita buat even kat luar sekolah pun. Kan :)

To be honest, this thing is hard too. Because yela, I know of course I know it's hard to make it lasted and always in that state kan, kita pakai kekadang sebab semua org pakai or kita rasa selesa pakai kat sekolah je atau nak buat syarat je ke and semua la excuses. Tapi aurat kita perlu dijaga everywhere, and every single way how to make it close and safe, Tuhan dah explain dalam Quran. So, why not kita try to make changes right. InsyaAllah, Allah blessed this good changes in you with something better and beyond amazing. Bila kita jaga hubungan dengan Tuhan through small matter or big, Tuhan akan bantu dlm setiap lgkh kita. And one of the step is a journey to success.Tuhan ada banyak rancangan untuk kita, even if it seems bad to us, actually its hundred thousand times better than what we tend to think about it. Buat semua kebaikan ni lillah, mesti Allah tolong. Maybe at first it's hard, well nobody said it was easier but Allah will show up the right way. Don't worry. And not to forget juga, about the ibadah. I was started buat solat sunat semua tu pun when I was in form 3, mmg before this ada tp mmg jarang istiqamah. Kalau rasa rajin, buat la or susah hati ke tgh down kepe en. Senang cite, buat time ada mood and tengah susah je la. But I'm tryng my best untuk berubah. Fikir balik, kenapa mesti buat time susah je. Ingat Tuhan time susah je. I always wondering this about myself, rasa cam teruk sgt. Padahal He did always be with us, through thick and thin, susang senang Tuhan je yang selalu ada untuk kita. Humankind wont being able to be there around always with us. Hidayah sentiasa ada depan mata, tunggu effort kita je nak ke tak. Lama lama bila dah biasa, you sendiri akan rasa guilty gila kalau tak buat. Dont worry, guilt is a gift from Allah warning you that what you are doing is violating your soul. So you akan rasa nak je selalu buat, unless if theres certain reason you can't skip mcm belajar kat sekolah en. InsyaAllah, you akan rasa lebih calmed and relaxed after making those ibadah because its not wasted, it will clearing out distractions from your heart and mind, Tuhan is purifying your heart and soul.

And when there's comes the times where you struggle habis doa siang malam untuk berjaya, but then it's not your part. Always remember that what Allah has planned for you is way far better than what you want it to be :)

Allah is super amazing that He knows each and every single thing in our heart and absolutely perfect His timing is, despite all the worrying. when you feel like you're ready for something, but He knows you're not, so He makes you wait and that's infinitely better for you. When you're scared but He knows you can handle it so He places that specific turn in your life when you're least expecting it. Alhamdulillah, we're not in charge our lives, we would make a complete mess of everything. Alhamdulillah, we have Him watching out for us with every breath we take. In a nutshell, what Allah wants from us is constantly try to get better. Not to become perfect, but to get better. Get better than what? Get better than who? Get better than yourself from yesterday. We just have to constantly try to improve. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if we're talking about ourselves as teachers, dai'e, worshipers, as Muslims in any capacity-- all our deen wants is contant effort to improve. If we internalize that, then it gives us many benefits. One of the most important benefits of that realization is, we will never be satisfied with where we are. Trust Allah, trust The One who gave you this pain, in His hand lies the cure. He is As-Salam, the giver of peace. InsyaAllah, hoping this post helps you. Let's try to make the changes together. Don't give up. Stand for who you are and lillah. The success will be yours, eventually. Aamiin, for all ummah.